i am “back” – recap 2018

i promised everyone 2018 would be the greatest year ever. and it, without a doubt, is.

so let’s start this year with my insecure, young, heartbroken self..  i literally started this year crying. pathetic, right ? yeah, 2017 has been this completely neutral and safe thing in which i just did nothing and lived. it was okay. but then my life was shattered into pieces and i guess i had to change things.

a little bit later i started dating my current boyfriend. and to be honest. that has been the first great memory this year. it was the best date i’ve ever had, the moment my life should change forever [i kid you not]. we went to an exhibition and got coffee. it was amazing. the moment i came home way too late i just realized this was right. because things you’re scared of at first are probably the ones you should be doing. and i just jumped into things i would have never done a couple months before. neveeer.

then there was the carnival and i came home drunk for the first time in my whole life. i am telling this not because i am super proud of it or something but because it was another one of the stupid things my past self would have never done. 

then my “best friend” [the girl i spent most of the time, the past couple months, with] fell in love with me. and tbh i also had feelings for her too. she was one of the reasons i changed so much. 

to be honest this year is just this big process of making mistakes, learning and just doing new stuff. so every moment is precious. i love being happy and weird with my friends but i also love myself drunk, crying at 3 am in my boyfriends bed [poor boy]. i want to figure out how to live life properly and not waste time.

so i think the biggest problem to me has always been the question what to make out of this blog. what is the message behind it ? the purpose ? what exactly will i be writing about. there have been times when i figured out a parcicular topic and sometimes i decided i would just go with the flow. i probably will be doing both but i think i need to start in order to figure things out.

so welcome. to my, going to be, safe place, my memories, experiences, simple things and deep talks. i am no one important but since when did that stop anyone ?

currently i am back at this dark place and things are sort of getting bad again. i hope i will get better soon.. 

[ J u n e 1 6 ]

so when did things got so bad again ? when did the sadness started taking over ? i was happy and thankful for every emotion i felt. too much has been going on.. i feel empty and lonely again 

life is weird

April 22 : he won’t stay and she will never be mine. things change and sadly don’t stay forever. still excited for the future

May 5 : love is so confusing. i wish it was easier.. i wish he would still love me. but i’m also happy because of her

going over to my friend soon to just chill and listen to music. i love her so much. [IN A GAY WAY PEOPLE]

since my friend and i struggle a lot currently

since me and a friend of mine struggle a lot currently// do it for the future. do it for the cute little flat you’re going to have. do it for every tattoo you’re going to have. do it for the beautiful girl you’re going to wake up next to. do it for the cuddling in the morning. do it for every beautiful sunset and rise you have yet to experience. do it for the dog you’re going to have. do it for the coffee dates and movie marathons. for every jar of nutella. for every concert and new band you will discover. do it for the little things