things I currently watch/ read and inspire myself with whilst working on my traumas and other mental health issues
Your life is run by emotions, whether you repress and ignore them or not
Love is really strong medicine, if not even the strongest, especially for when you are dealing with trauma, but also with any other mental health issues. I realized that I myself have received little to no love and support at a time in my life when I really needed it, but also didn’t have the “courage” to ask for it, which is really typical for people with PTSD. So the first step for me when diving into my trauma was the realization that I long for love SO much. And it took me a couple days to get over the feelings that it brought with it. Allow yourself to realize you, lack love, admit you want to love and be loved, and most importantly: begin to work on loving yourself.
I learned that people with PTSD have really low self-esteem and feeling of self worth which makes it particularly hard to receive and feel love.
A phrase that I have written down for myself was “I am SO sorry that you have felt and feel this way”, because that is something people with PTSD have to hear, as they need someone who is really, really sorry for them. Who gives them a hug and acknowledges and respects the pain they feel. For me, I am in a place where there is no one who could do that so self-love is really important as you are the only person you can ALWAYS rely on and who loves you and cares for you at any time of the day.
Only when we being to love ourselves we begin to accept love from others. We also begin to accept success and failure, both things often holding people with PTSD back from even trying things as they are to scared to lose a thing once they gained it or not succeeding at even trying to get that thing.
Self awareness and self worth
I started to properly journal this year. I have had journals before, the ones where you kind of make them look cute and aesthetically pleasing, write little notes and quotes in them and glue in pictures and cinema/ concert tickets. And to be honest I did not have the intention of stopping to do that as I find it a really nice way to spend time and be creative without much effort. But as I started working on myself and my feelings my journal became messier and fuller and generally felt too small as I actually started writing down my feelings and figuring out why I felt this way and how I can cope with it in a healthy way and most importantly accept and let go of it. And even if you are someone like me who likes to keep cute bullet journals and stuff I figured that it makes sense for me to not pay attention to aesthetics, at least for my diary kind of journal. Because if you try to make your feelings “aesthetically pleasing” you tend to be dishonest with yourself as healing is NOT pretty. This year I am exploring the really ugly sides of myself that you just cannot make look good in a journal. So having a messy journal even helps me visualize the process I am going through and reminding myself that it is not going to end soon nor be pretty for the next month to come.
That might to be true for everyone but I find it important to still mention it as we do live in a digital age where Instagram aesthetics and glorifying depression, anxiety and other mental health issues are still a huge thing and people who are in the process of healing, especially at the very beginning, have to remind themselves that depression is NOT being a little sad or these artsy quotes about smiling although you are breaking inside. Although some of those posts do in fact represent someone expressing their feelings we have to be aware that aspects such as not being able to get out of bed, not showering for days or weeks, generally not caring for yourself and even wanting to die so bad are ugly aspects of depression which are not being represented the way they really are on the internet.
So remember: Healing is a partially really ugly and hurtful process.
HOWEVER. There are many resources on the internet that you can use for help when dealing with mental health issues which is something we know but often forget. I, for example, started crying at the realization that I am not alone and there are people on the internet who want to help. Listening to someone with compassion and love in their voice because they know how much someone in that situation is hurting is really nice, because although that particular person does not know you and your situation they still tried to put out a video, post, podcast, etc. to help people like you.